Have you ever had days where that one person can make you so angry that your insides are shaking and you cannot rationally think? You see red. You jump from on conclusion to the next. You are not a violent person, yet the want to punch something is so strong you are literally shaking from it?
This is how I wake up sometimes. No reason, just awake. Every little thing pushes me close to the edge where I feel like I am going to fall, and if I do there is no return. It makes me hysterically cry. I cannot stop it or control it, so I crumble to the chair and wonder 'why?', yet don't have an answer, so I feel like I am going crazy.
Am I going crazy?
I feel like it. No control of my feelings or how my body will feel or function that day. Other people with Lyme explain some of the same experiences, and though I try to not have Lyme consume me, it really needs to, because even on my good days, I need to be learning more from Lyme, not just it's symptoms and how bad it makes me feel.
I just really want my life back.
Yes, my acceptance of this has been very hard for me, and in turn, I think, is helping me feel more crazy. My mind battles the realization that everything I was taught or how I was raised is no longer.
I need to learn how to meditate. Maybe that will help.
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